M A R G A R E T Y A P

*poof*

bubba gumps…rakuzen…hanabi…genting…singapore…

i self declared my own holiday… everyone in IA 241 has proceeded with their semester…except for me…

*teleports and lands at UK again… nottingham trent*

that should roughly summarize up my looong break…

pills pills pills pills… wat can be worst than these
GASTRIC+FOOD POISONING+MENSTRUAL CRAMPS…
but wait, it doesnt end there… it goes on and on for, not one nor two but a couple of days… currently 5 and counting…

nonetheless, i still heart my man…

here, u go…
something to wash up those looooong break…
                           

Clark Quay… the ‘clinic’ was really something…

i would love to have pictures to the the talking…but but but, i ran out of em’…

anyway, anyhow…

i just wanna get better and start partaying again…

love goes all out….

*toodles*

do i have the right to plead u?
not to let me go?
selfish it may seem…
i dont know…i liked you…

Have you ever been silently in love
With someone you can never have?
So close you can touch his hand
Yet, so far to feel his heart?

Have you ever lived in pretense
Quietly loving without any condition?
A feeling of love that’s unknown
Hiding it, not knowing for how long.

Have you ever fallen deeply
Loving the person unconditionally?
So afraid to say what you feel
Acting normal, keeping things still.

Have you ever been hurt unintentionally
But put on a smile, pretended to be happy?
Deep inside im confused
But outside im jolly and laughing.

Why does holding his hand feel so right?
My heart smiles everytime you’re at sight
Hearing your laughter makes my day
Hope i can hug you in a special way.

Your hugs upon me every time we meet,
no longer belongs to me,
perhaps its your reason,
to let me go slowly.

‘make no effort to see you’
why say such?
a phrase which i dwelt in mind.

I’m never mad or angry for what has happened,
but glad over it.
I’m glad it has happened.
between you and me,
tho it was short,
but it seems to me the longest period

I’m not letting it die this way,
nor another.
I’ll see where fate brings us.

apjs

Says it all above

Don’t know what hit me either to get back ere…as in writing ere… perhaps it’s the cheerless me…it feels unusual of me behaving such… what struck me??? Shytes happen but I think there just isn’t any shytes that’s stinky enough for me not being able to walk off… don’t wanna be all pessimistic but seriously, I am feeling gloomy … for whatever the reason may be… gloomy gloomy gloomy… just like the weather… I try and I try to bring it up and about… it just wouldn’t budge… supposingly, one would have detest feeling such… am I right??? But apparently, I don’t seem to be disliking it… stupid as it may be but im not enjoying it much either… clueless of what and how I want things to be… I might as well go with the flow like I always do… whatever that comes my way…

‘ If I were gone, what would you miss most about me? ’

aight, day 2 was good!!! it was so loving and lovely, i met my bro,
ivan kor kor…and i was so thrilled to see him at first sight…one
thing, we were at first, lost in victoria station, i mean, the meetin
up part, he said he was in vic station, and so was i, but we jus cudnt
find one another….aiks…after that, it was my FIRST BREAKFAST in
london…and wanna know wat i had, milk and bagel…i LOVE the milk
ere… it was off to london city centre….IT WAS SOOOOOO GOOOD BEING WITH SOMEONE SOOOO CLOSE TO ME… kor brought me around london…its soooooo BEAUTIFUL….london eye, parlimen and all….parks….i had a blast…..dinner and this chinese restaurant…nasi lemak cause me 7.50 pound which is like rm50+++…. and its nothing compare to the rm1 nasi lemak in pasar pagi…isshhh…..
today, was orentation at campus….err….how wud i say, yeah, met kc… he toured us around london… it was fantastic…he’s so knowledgeable….i so suka all those things in london…ahahah….fantastic day…lookin forward for more of such days =)

hugggy…..

i miss friends back in msia….i really do….those gifts i have frm u all, remind me everytime bout u all…

hey all,
yeah, ive reached london at last…erm….excited??? well, will start from scratch aight…firstly, departuring was the bad part…yes i have to say tht, i thank all those who came, meant alot to me…those we didnt manage to, i know and i understand…thought i would b strong enough to hold it back in, but guess not, i broke down into tears too when i was having those hugs….frm my family, my brother, jason….it was like, *HITME* sorta thing…i miss all of em now…my friends, everyone…my relatives…it was so nice back in msia…anyway, reached heathrow airport…it was like one of the busiest airport….damn they’re right….waited like 3 hrs to get it all done, got to my accomodation place, in belsize park, it was freagiin shyte… my single bedroom turned out not ready and tht ive got to share it with other 2 ladies…arghhhh…dinner was at chinatown…took the tube and all…haha…it was an experience i would say…im really really exhausted now tho…but do know, i enjoyed myself sumhow….

embarassing part : i broke into tears when this guy came up to me and asked bout my family…i miss everyone soooo much…

peek-a-boo

today’s d 21 which leaves me with 16 more days to go…
so far, my preparation is good…visa got approved…all’s good…got my medication packed up…jus had my jab today too..ouch was it painful…been goin out lately with my cousins…jus some precious moments with family…o yea, i appeared in yesterday’s papers…lol…man, was it funny…
uploaded a few pics…lol, been questioned around why aint i uploading new pics…well, ere u go…
wat else have i done…hmmm, o yea, pierced my navel couple of weeks ago…old news…

miss lots of people….
*sobs*

hugs to all…xoxo

daddy says no sulkin and take d risks!!!
i’ll take that to heart…

imma take steps tomoro onwards and imma take risk…
i hope its tomoro…>.< or when im really ready i guess…
just so u wud know, imma leave… not really soon soon, but leave… sorry to those ive said i would leave without a word…
i’ve put that into assumptions again, thinking that,
since things are already LIKE THAT even tho im ere, wud it be such a biggie when im about to leave??? i guess not… there’s alwis the msn , email , sms and calls that are usually performed…am i not right???

in msia itself, alright, more precise…in kl, pj tho so near yet, one never make the effort to travel a few miles to meet up, chill and catch up with things…the best one does is pick up one’s hp dial and call, if shy, they’ll sms… looking for a longer conversation? the best is alwis the TECHNOLOGY they have now… net… msn…alright, the BESTEST( my eng) one can do with technology is 3G or de ridiculious webcam… take a sec to look wat has technology done to us…well one good thing i know is tht, it made me BLOGGED…but come to think of it, u wanna miss tht someone, but cant meet up for a reason, and when ur free, u actually choose technology to communicate instead of meetin up in person and lookin in the person’s eye and talk and feel… there’s so much diff…

when that one person has left msia, wat do u do??? well, the same of course… sms, text, email, msn 3g….does it make a diff to u??? i BET with u for a bar of chocolate… that within those technologized lines, u’ll read, ‘ gosh, ur so far away, if u were in msia we wud have meet up and chill, if only u were ere, we could go out for a drink, mamak, shop…u know, hang out and all those…IF ONLY ‘ if these if tht, BULLSHYTE i wud say…

lift ur precious butt, make ur move and dont start calling ppl, make the effort and meet up…dont cyber youself with friendship or feelings…its one thing tht cant b replaced…no robots to replace them or any apple, vaio products… jus a bloody, beating heart with veins…

it wouldnt make much diff to me to announce my date of leaving, it wouldnt make any diff… the best thing to do now, is to make the effort worth it… and do things today, now and never regret for it…

only then u’ll actually appreciate wats infront of u all these while, rather than appreciating it when its gone…

lesson for today’s over… im all drained out and sad…

- preciously gone -

things wont be the same as it used to be…
=)     regardless wat had happened,
                to me, we cant cry over spilt milk… cant we???
so once again… move on precious…
u had those memories, treasure them and i believe they’ll live in you…

gonna leave in sept and preferably, i dont wish to come back…
not for any ridiculious reason such as, love of shytes like tht…
i aint tht dumb… haha… lifestyle there is much better in all ways i guess…

will b gone by september 2007

cul-de-sac seems like de only appropriate word to descirbe me now… being there i have several feelings… nervous, afraid, anxious, mad , hell loads more…

awaited ahead was a path i cant see cleary, only to be known wat lies ahead is when i made that walk and move forward…funny as it seems when ppl say dont look back or no way back or shytes like this…well, one thing i do when i look back is to remind myself how stupid i can get and never to step into those shytes again… anxiety and curiousity are ahead of me now, as i can define myself as pretty adventurous… jus got to have everything and know everything…

ive decided… to make that turn… who knows there’s really a better world of fantasy ahead… better still if there isn’t, i’ll make mine perhaps…

- i heart god -

- i heart my family -

- i heart my friends -

- i heart my life -

- i heart spongebob -

- i heart my car -

- i heart my chocolates -

- i heart my clothes -

- i heart my knowlege, experience and memories -